For the past month I’ve really struggled to enjoy any social media. Why? well because of the world we now live in. I’ve found myself getting down over my latest instagram post not getting enough likes to the point I’ll delete it. Even though I may be so proud and happy with the image. The likes and approval comments from strangers weren’t there, I didn’t feel good enough. Why was I allowing a social media platform which is meant to be for fun control my emotions and love of sharing images. It’s situations like these that I’ve decided I need to step back from. I’ve posted less frequent on my account, and will rarely post on here my blog which I started over 6 years ago now. Which for me is really sad. I miss sharing myself with the internet. I miss the community I use to be apart of. But now I feel like I’ve lost my mo-jo and identify within the blogging world.
I’ve recently been going back on my instagram and deleting my older posts, because who needs to see all my meals, and about 5,000 pictures of my dog. I set up all my social media accounts not planning on becoming a blogger and creating my own branding. They were just my accounts. However I don’t feel like I’m able to post your casual selfie without it advertising or discussing a certain subject. Why can’t I just post a selfie because I think I look fucking good? This is the place we’ve created. I’ve found myself questioning everything, but also putting myself down as I just don’t feel good enough compared to other bloggers who only started a few years ago and are so much further ahead. (despite the fact you know they brought all their followers)
I started my blog when I was 17, seventeen. Basically a baby. I’m not seventeen anymore and as much as I love fashion and I love sharing my style with my followers and being told I inspire girls of a similar shape to mine to wear what they want. I sometimes question if fashion is the only subject I was to showcase. I know over the past year I’ve touched more on Dating, and this has gone down well. It’s something I want to continue, but there’s so many other subjects I feel I’ve grown to be more educated in and want to talk about.
This leads me to my next issue. Where do I fit in? I’m a size 16 girl. But within the blogging world I’m not classed as plus size, however I’m also too chunky to be your “typical fashion blogger” so where do I fit? Don’t get me wrong it’s not like brands don’t approach me. I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of my favourite brands through my blog. But recently because the plus size community is much bigger and stronger I sometimes question what brands do I really attract and why am I not being approached? I really appreciate the brands that aren’t all about size. I love talking about positivity but sometimes I just wanna be telling you how sick my new top is? It’s like everything has to have a background story. But do we really need to defend ourselves constantly?
For me now I’ve stepped away from my instagram and blog I’ve learnt what works for me and where I now want to go as a twenty three year old woman. I plan on redesigning my blog and revamping my instagram over the next two weeks, so please bare with while I find my place again.