They always say when shit goes down, that’s when your friends show their true colours and you really realise who is there for you and who pretty much could not give a shit about you and Billy* going down the shitter. My break up has changed my opinion on a number of things. Not just friendships, but how I see men, how I see myself, how I see other relationships.
So here I am, Just a month and half ago I was an emotional mess (think back to Bella Swan in New Moon, that girl was me) But now I feel confident and pretty damn content. I’ve learn’t that alone time is just what I need to really discover what I want next.
Tinder / POF is a big confident boost when you’re at your worst. When I first became single I questioned my looks, my banter, the lot. I thought no man was going to love me again. OH HUN I was wrong! got myself on Tinder and the shameful POF and hey roll up all the compliments a girl could need. I think something I personally struggle with in and out of a relationship is, I want attention. I want to feel good enough for someone, I want someone to adore me. While it’s all been giggles and dick pics, (oh and more giggles after them) I’ve finally given up on the tinder fuck boys and been content just being alone. I’ve found myself not needing the attention because I need to rebuild some self love for myself before I allow another guy to treat me like the queen I am. (see the self love is working) Now I’m in no way saying if you’ve also become recently single don’t go on Tinder or any other dating app. Girl get yo ass on there and talk to some guys! Just for me I’ve learn’t I don’t need some fuck boys telling me I’m “fit” to make me feel better about myself.
Them First Date feels after a break up. So While I was actually abusing my Tinder fuck boys for attention I actually picked up a decent guy who I decided to break the whole “first date after a break up” with. The first date can either break you or make you. Luckily for me we got on like a house on fire and ended up seeing each other again and a few times since. I think going on the date despite telling all my friends how guilty I felt to start seeing other people. It’s what’s really made me content at this moment in time. It made me see I am good enough and I will find someone else who wants to adore me.
I think one of the most important values I’ve learn’t from my break up is definitely who are my true friends. When you start telling people a break up has happened, it makes it real. I hid away the fact my world was a mess from everyone for a good 5 days before having a break down and being able to speak without that lump in my throat. It was really interesting to see people’s reactions to the news. So many were shocked, so many didn’t believe me. At that point when you break your walls down to tell your friends your hurting you expect them to be there right? That wasn’t the situation for me. While I felt like I’ve lost some people I feel like I’ve gained some amazing people in my life who honestly cared so much about me despite only knowing me for a short amount a time. On that note I think that says a lot about friendships and who you need and don’t need in your life.
And i guess last but not least I’m kinda having one of them mid life crisis at the age of 22. I want a career change, I want to move away, I feel like my opportunities are open now I’m not having to think about anyone else. So I’m finally going to learn about myself and go back to enjoying my job and loving the place I’m at, with or without a boyfriend.
also here’s my current tune to get me through the bad days haha.